Friday, March 25, 2011

what to do?

That crazy lady you saw driving down the highway with the windows down and radio up, singing at the top of her lungs last night....... yea that was totally me lol

I had one of my new friends over for dinner last night i made Alfredo and broccoli it was good! We ended up chatting for 3 hours. She kept saying she needs to leave and then kept talking it was funny.
It was nice to have some girl time. Life is so crazy I work 55 hours a week but my commute is 40 minutes so i leave my house at 515am and i don't get home until 6 or 6:30pm. I eat dinner and go right to bed as i am exhausted. I then get up at 3am so i can shower, eat breakfast and watch the news(and now go to the gym) before work. I feel like i don't get any me time because weekends are usually spent with my boyfriend unless he's working.... Its gotten to the point where i enjoy him working nights and weekend shifts so i can get a break and just have time to myself.

I'm slowly trying to get myself back.... Ive started going to the gym again, today's my third day. I'm starting to write again, even if its in blog format.... I'm trying to write poems again too but that's not going as well.... I feel like i don't have any motivation or inspiration i guess is the better word.
I'm not sure what else to do, but i feel like i put my job, friends, family, even boyfriend before myself and i finally feel like taking some me time.

Honestly I'm not even sure where my relationship stands anymore.... I try to talk to him but he doesn't communicate anymore for fear of making me mad or sad.... so what if i get mad or sad i get over it and at least id know whats bugging him... Two days ago it was 4 years and 8 months that we have been together... I cant believe July will be 5 years. I really want to get married and start a family but i no longer feel that hes on the same page as me and that scares me. I love him to death and i don't want to lose him but i feel the lack of communication is going to tear us apart.... certainly not bringing us closer.... I'm at a loss as to what to do???

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