Friday, March 25, 2011

Time for me time!

I'm finally learning that I need to be selfish and put myself first sometimes... I've started going to the gym and I actually like it! I joined some groups and am getting a social life finally! Feels great!

I used to have fun and go out with my friends but we've all moved away and our lives have taken us in different directions. I never realized how hard it is to make friends out of high school. When I do meet people now a days I usually have "L" with me and once the moms learn I'm her nanny and not her mom they are no longer interested in talking any more. Although not everyone is a snob we do have some nice mom friends that we get together with for play dates but its not like i can call them up and say hey want to go to the movies or out dancing? I want some real friends...

I want a better relationship too, I want someone that genuinely loves and wants to be with me, who appreciates me and enjoys my company. Someone that will communicate with me and be honest and make me feel loved. Instead I have someone who puts up with me, makes me miserable and no longer communicates with me....... What happened??? We used to be the perfect couple. We never even argued until we moved in together and even then we don't argue about important topics like money etc but stupid stuff, and he constantly antagonizes me and makes me mad all the time. I don't know what to do anymore, Ive tried over and over to talk to him and he refuses to listen, refuses to talk back, refuses to work things out, refuses to change..... what am i to do? I love him with all my heart and I still want to marry him and have a family, but i want my old honey back......

His younger sisters are both getting married this year too.... I'm not happy about that at all as we've been together longer etc and its just not fair. 

I want my life to fall into place Ive been through so much and when they're finally looking up and i start to think things will go my way they never do..... when will it be my time to be happy?

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